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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30007104">Let Go of Loss But Never Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiFandom__Writer/pseuds/MultiFandom__Writer'>MultiFandom__Writer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MacGyver (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angus MacGyver Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Mentioned Jack Dalton (MacGyver TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:40:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,787</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30007104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiFandom__Writer/pseuds/MultiFandom__Writer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mac made sure Riley wasn't going through Jack's death alone, so she was going to do the same for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riley Davis &amp; Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Let Go of Loss But Never Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Riley wasn’t sleeping when Mac got up from his chair and made his way to the bathroom. If she was being honest she hasn’t slept much since they got the news. But if closing her eyes around her friends put them at ease then that was the least she could do right now. Plus she knew Mac was only sitting next to her to make sure she would fall asleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nonetheless, she heard Mac footsteps trail off towards the other side of the plane and her eyes popped open. She waited a beat, a slow tick of the clock as she watched the door close and she heard his fist collide with the sink.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once. Twice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Too many times for her liking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart shattered at the thought of him grieving alone when he had just been there for her hours ago. All that pain building up throughout the day, pushing all his emotions to the back of his brain so they could solve this mission. He didn’t deserve this. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So she left her seat, keeping her footsteps quiet while she made her way to the closed door. She pressed her ears against the door to hear the sound of his choked sobs and heavy breathing. </span>
  <span>Riley could tell he was trying to muffle them, keep himself silent to be sure not to bother his friend. Riley slid down the door, her own tears resurfacing with an overwhelming amount of grief washing over her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There wasn’t much she could do from the other side of the door except listen to him breakdown. There was only so much of that she could take before she was knocking on the door and whispering softly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Mac.” he went dead silent. She could almost see the way his body froze in fear and he worked to gain control over his emotions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay Riley, just go back to sleep.” he changed to the tone of his voice to mask the pain in his words. He wasn’t okay and there was no way in hell she was going back to sleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Riley thought about how to approach this, leaving him certainly wasn’t an option so if she needed to sit on the floor for the rest of the flight she would. But preferably she would be on the other side of that door to help him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were there for me so please let me be there for you,” she said after a brief moment of silence. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another beat passed and he opened the door. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His red eyes held so much pain and his fist remained clenched at his side, knuckles turning white. His shoulder sagged in a way that made her want to wrap him up and never let go. Yet he was still holding back like she couldn’t read him like an open book. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Above all else, he looked broken. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come here,” she said before he could so much as get a word in. Without any other prompt Mac crashed into her embrace. Riley wrapped her arms around his neck so that she could pull him close. She kicked the door closed with her boot and he locked it while he wrapped his arms around her waist.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mac clung to her like she was his last lifeline, he didn’t trust Desi enough to feel this pain in front of her. Something about bottling it up and drinking his sorrows in alcohol was overheard. Resulting in his doing just that, minus the latter. He didn't feel safe like he did in this moment with Riley.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If it was even possible he tugged her tighter against his chest, gripping onto her jacket and refusing to let go. She stood on the toes to stay level with him and he buried his head into her neck, his tears resurfacing in a hot flash. Taking in her scent and letting the tears soak through her jacket.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This was exactly what he needed, her heartbeat ringing through his ears. The faint smell of her shampoo. The way her hands found a home in his hair and she ran her fingers through his hair in the exact way that comforted him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There’s no telling how long they stood there for, entangled with one another with no intentions of ever letting go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low and raspy. Throat raw from the never-ending tears. He tried to pull away but Riley wouldn't let him. She clung to him tighter and he reciprocated by doing the same. Melting back into her touch so easily.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t ever have to apologize,” Riley responded, waiting another minute before she let him pull away from her embrace. They stayed connected, a simple hand interlocked as they sat on the ground. A silent agreement shared that they didn’t want to leave just yet. </span>
  <span>It was the only privacy they had and neither one of them wanted to leave that behind any time soon. Best bet for them was to stay put on the bathroom floor, smushed together willingly in a tight space that would usually make them squirm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her legs rested over his as they leaned back, Mac against the wall and Riley pressed to the sink. Mindlessly he rested his hand on her knee, that small bit of contact the only thing keeping him from propelling himself further down the sadness rabbit hole.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I never thought he would ever actually be gone. I always thought he would just be there.” with no paperclips insight, Mac chose instead to fiddle with Riley's fingers. Messing around with her rings and rubbing his thumb over her knuckled to keep his still.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too. He’s been gone for so long but it's still going to be weird not having him around any more.” Riley said, letting her head fall back, she closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay before looking at Mac.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, all his pointless puns.” Mac chuckled because he knew exactly what she needed from him and vice versa.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The crazy supernatural theories.” she shot back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Aliens and radioactive superpowers.” Mac returned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They laughed, and it wasn’t forced.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s always been there for me. Even when we fought, even when I left he was there for me. Now he’s just gone and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Mac's reddened face could only hold back the tears for so long before the tears were slowly streaming down his cheeks. It was rare to see him this exposed. And she can't remember the last time she's seen him cry but here they were, pouring their hearts out to one another on the floor of a private jet bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me neither, there were so many things I wanted to tell him.” It had been so long since they’ve talked, Mac got a few voicemails but neither of them actually got to talk to him in what felt like years.“I envisioned it so many times.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Envisioned what?” Mac looked at her quizzically, both of them allowing their emotion to shine through without fear of repercussion. Every last vulnerability left on the table for them to see. Wide-open with no protection.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Him coming home.” She smiles at those fantasies. “He would surprise us at the Phoenix, I would finally get to hug him again and once all that soapy stuff was done we could go to the arcade. Binge on pizza and I would kick his ass in skeeball.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The number of times the pair had gone to the arcade to feel closer to him was in the thousands. That place for both of them was special, a safe haven. Not even losing Jack could take that away from them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I always thought he would come home while we were all hanging out on the patio.” he raised an eyebrow at her as he spoke, making her feel less crazy about her little daydreams. “He’d make some god awful joke about being gone so long and we'd all spend the night talking.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How about after the Die Hard Marathon we go talk on the patio, see who has the craziest Jack story.” Mac offered, the sadness that plagued her eyes was replaced with hope. Like a little kid on Christmas.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop off at the arcade for dinner?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Date, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he almost said but stopped himself before the words met his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I only wish he could be there with us.” Riley bowed her head, feeling terrible for ripping the lightheartedness from the moment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He will be,” Mac said, squeezing her hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going to get through this right,” Mac asked, looking so broken again. There were so many emotions whirling around him, attacking him from all angles and with no defence he was left to feel it all at once.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We will,” Riley squeezed his hand back. “Together.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So maybe he had one defence. A strong, unrelenting defence that would go to the ends of the earth for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Said defence took the form of Riley Davis.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They spent the next few hours in the same spot. There were tears and small smiles as they tried to reassure one another. This wasn’t a time for sharing stories, right now they craved silence. Content with the comfort they could offer each other and needing nothing more. Just be there for each other.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It sounds like we're landing, we should probably get back to our seats,” he nodded his head to the door, the ding of the seat belt alert ringing through the plane. Riley slowly nodded her head and wiped the tears from her face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mac stood first, offering a hand to Riley, who gratefully took it. She raised her hand up to his cheek, using the ball of her thumb to wipe away the last of his tears. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the first time in hours, they let go of each other. Their last bit of contact, gone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly it was cold and scary, somewhere between alone and afraid. It was weird, to say the least, and Mac hated how the loss of contact made him want to start spiralling again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait.” his small yell caught her attention and as she turned to face him. Immediately Mac grabbed her shoulder. Pulling her back into his chest once again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Only this time it was rushed and desperate like if he didn't get this contact he would fade away into nothing. Riley didn’t hesitate to hug him back. Just as fierce and needy as him. Russ knocked on the door and they were forced away from each other.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Together,” she promised and with one last look, they were out of the bathroom, ignoring the looks from everyone as they took their seats at the front of the plane again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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